5 Phrases to Raise Your Editor’s Blood Pressure

For the most part, editors (at least the ones I know) are mild-mannered people. Of course there are exceptions, but most of us are thoughtful, pleasant, relatively quiet folks. Likewise, most authors I encounter are a joy to work with; they need someone to spruce up their writing, and I’m able to do just that. But every once in a while every editor will run into an author who is demanding, overbearing, and just plain rude. From some of these unfortunate encounters, I have put together the following list of phrases guaranteed to upset your editor’s equilibrium.

1. You left an error on page 97. I think you might be incompetent. (Of course this author will never notice that the rest of the book is now absolutely perfect.)

2. I don’t think you actually read my book. (I’ve gotten this one a couple of times, and it really ticks me off. I’m a Capricorn, and therefore I take my work very seriously. Don’t accuse me of not working!)

3. You ruined my masterpiece! (If by “ruined” you mean “corrected the atrocious spelling and put the commas in the correct places,” yes, thank you, I did. Thankfully, I’ve never been on the receiving end of this particular insult.)

4. Why did you change X, Y, or Z?? I demand that you change it back! (This came from an author who was absolutely outraged that I corrected the improper use of “lie” and “lay” throughout the book. By the way, I did not change it back.)

5. You want how much to edit my book? Pretty good money for just reading. (Editing is not “just reading.” And this little comment was especially annoying because it came on a beautiful Saturday afternoon when I was stuck in my basement office—working, all day.)

If you want to insult and/or anger an editor, try one of these phrases out on him/her. Of course, if you would rather have a productive working relationship with your editor, you may want to try a more professional, diplomatic approach. There is absolutely nothing wrong with an author disagreeing with their editor or asking questions about something the editor changed or didn’t change. Just remember: Editors are people too.